Taking the Mick

EXT. ALLEY-STREET. DAY.

Two men, JOEY (slightly older) and MICKEY (barely out of his teens) were talking at the mouth of an alley.

JOEY: Come on we gotta get this done, Okay?

MICKEY: Huh?

JOEY: Boss wants this week’s due and we’re short. So we’re gunna make up for it now.

MICKEY: Er, okay Joey.

JOEY peers around the corner and sees two people walking along the street towards them.

JOEY: Okay so you ready to do this?

MICKEY: Um, look, I’m really not sure about thi-

JOEY: Mick we gotta. Look it’s simple, take this..

JOEY pulls a gun out of his waistband and hands it to MICKEY.

JOEY (cont.): ..and just point it at people and ask them for their money.

MICKEY: Okay Joey.

JOEY: Ready? Go.

MICKEY jumps out of the alley, arm out-stretched.

MICKEY: Give me your money.

Reveal: MICKEY is holding the gun the wrong way round. The couple look confused and bemused.

MICKEY (cont.): Err..

JOEY: (calling from the alley): You’re holding it the wrong way round you idiot.

MICKEY twists the gun upside-down. He looks happy then realises it is still wrong. JOEY grabs him and pulls him into the alley.

JOEY (cont.): You’re supposed to hold it like this.

JOEY demonstrates, as in, he holds the gun.

JOEY (cont.): How do you not know.. you know what I don’t even want to know. Just.. try again.

MICKEY points the gun at his head.

MICKEY: Money. Now.

JOEY swats his arm down.

JOEY: Not you, you idiot.

MICKEY: Oh.. so wh-?

JOEY: (exasperated): LITERALLY anyone else.

MICKEY points the gun at JOEY. He opens his mouth to speak but..

JOEY (cont.): Not me either! For God’s sake, look rob these people.

Cut to: MICKEY jumping out of the alley with gun loosely dangling from his arm.

MICKEY: Hello nice to meet you I’m Rob.

Reveal: MICKEY is wearing a name tag with ‘Rob’ written on it. He grabs the man’s hand and shakes it.

JOEY: (calling): No, you’re not!

MICKEY frowns.

MICKEY: Oh. (beat) Hello Rob nice to meet you.

Reveal: the man is now wearing the name tag identifying him as Rob. MICKEY goes to shake his hand.

JOEY: (exasperated): He’s not Rob either you idiot!

JOEY rips the name tag off and pulls MICKEY into the alley.

JOEY (cont.): (sighs): Forget about robbing. Just steal something okay?

MICKEY slowly raises a steel bar [into frame].

JOEY: No!

JOEY takes the bar off MICKEY and throws it [out of frame].

JOEY (cont.): Look, mug these people okay?

Cut to: MICKEY giving a mug to a woman. He adds milk and sugar whilst saying:

MICKEY: Milk and two sugars?

MICKEY looks pleased with himself. JOEY takes the mug out of the woman’s hands just as she is about to sip it.

JOEY: Excuse us.

They are both in the alley again.

MICKEY: But you said-

JOEY: Just, forget what I said okay? Try again.

Montage: MICKEY jumps out and..

MICKEY: Your bunny or your life.

Reveal: a little girl holding a rabbit.

Cut to:

MICKEY (cont.): Your honey or your life.

Reveal: a swarm of bees.

MICKEY (cont.): Ah.. um.. ow ow o-

Cut to:

MICKEY (cont.): Your money or your wife.

Reveal: A man and woman, the man looks at his wife and then back to MICKEY.

Cut to:

MICKEY is standing in the alley with the woman. He is smiling, but gradually stops. He pushes the woman away.

MICKEY (cont.): I’m really bad at this aren’t I?

JOEY: Yeah.

MICKEY: One more try?

JOEY: No. We’re done.

MICKEY: Come on! I really think I’ve got the hang of it now.

JOEY: Fine. You can have one more try. One.

Cut to black.

Fade in:

MICKEY: Stay right where you are. I have a gun trained on you so I wouldn’t suggest do anything rash okay? Quickly and quietly hand over your money, no sudden movements.

JOEY nods his head in approval.

JOEY: Not bad.

UNKNOWN VOICE: Huh-hmm.

Reveal: the man MICKEY is threatening is a police officer. JOEY runs as MICKEY sighs.

MICKEY: God dammit.

TITLE: TAKING THE MICK

Cut to:

POLICE OFFICER: You’re under.. a vest.

Reveal: MICKEY, literally under a vest. They lean into each other, hands on hips.

BOTH: Oohhh.

CREDITS.